The Noise Chap Ltd. is registered at Companies House in Cardiff in Walesland, and is company number 5240085. The Noise Chap Ltd.'s VAT number is 280547103 and The Noise Chap Ltd is registered for data processing with the Information Commissioner's Office.

Quality Policy

While the website takes something of a light-hearted approach to many element, we hope it is evident that quality is at the heart of what we do. We insist that our testing or assessments are done to the highest standards, ensuring that all audiometry for example meets the British Standard for Pure Tone Audiometry and the British Society of Audiology’s standards for screening audiometry. We are a teeny micro company so have no corporate office to hide behind and obfuscate things if we are found not to have done the job properly. From experience, it can be years down the line when an insurance company defending a claim suddenly pops up and asks for proof of how a certain test was done, and we will always be able to answer it.

Adam as the director, owner, consultant, accountant, sales manager, van cleaner and everything else is responsible for quality within the company. This means all tests or assessments are either done by Adam directly, or if done by Rob always go to Adam first for review before being sent to clients.

Why no ISO-gubbins? Frankly, because of cost, and because of it’s limited value to a company as tiny as us. Although clients probably would always think otherwise, margins can be razor-thin and any increased cost due to auditing and accreditation would contibute a discernible amount to every job. Add to that we only have two written procedures, one for noise assessments and one for screening, and only two staff, one of whom is the boss anyway, and an ISO accreditation becomes of little practical value to us and an additional cost to the customer.

Environmental Policy

We do all we can to minimise the environmental impact within the business. As a service supplier with no physical product and very few physical resources consumed, our main impact is travel to and from client sites. Our vans were chosen for both known reliability and economic running. An active part of that decision is reliability as we would rather have a van which does slightly fewer mpg but which is bullet-proof and will do a hundred thousand miles more than another make, and therefore reduce the number of new vehicles bought and the enormous environmental impact inherent in vehicle construction.

Adam, business owner and genial overlord, before becoming a safety nerd was an environment nerd, with a degree in Environmental Pollution Control and Conservation, admittedly from so long ago that global warming wasn’t an issue and the big fear at the time was running out of oil by 1998 and the impending dawn of a mini ice age. But it does mean environmental awareness is naturally an integral part of what we do.

When the business was created, it was built from the very start to be as lean as possible and as such has so few needs for physical office resources and most weeks technically operate just from the mobile clinics with no office at all. This is a huge benefit environmentally.

We have no physical hazardous wastes nor are any hazardous products used, with our only waste products being the occasional litter bin of debris.

Diversity and Discrimination Policy

Being a tad blunt, this is the one company policy which we actually find the need for to be a bit offensive as it kind of implies that unless you write a policy saying clearly that you will not discriminate then the natural stance of the company must be to discriminate. It is generally considered bad form to murder people and we have successfully managed to operate the company without murdering anyone despite not having an ‘anti-murder policy’.

Discrimination is silly for any reason and people are always hired because of their ability, or future ability, to do the job and their 'fit' into the existing company and personnel. We have even employed northerners and you don't get more right-on than that. Or in their language, 'reet-on'.

Equal Pay Policy 

People are always paid a good rate for the job, although we are sure employees will always argue otherwise. Pay levels are based on experience, job role, time with the company ensuring loyalty is rewarded, seniority and pre-existing qualifications. Pay is not decided by gender or race or any other reasons like that, which would be frankly idiotic.

*edit from Adam. Just thinking about this and that ratio of earnings by senior management to the lowest paid employee the media sometimes trot out, often with a ratio of something like a 500:1. It just occurred to me that our ratio is negative! The joys of being the boss.

Health and Safety Policy

Yep, we have one, but it is huge and frankly not the most riveting read. Clients can have a copy at any time so please just shout if you need it. Same with risk assessments for the noise assessments or screening.

Privacy Policy

This is a separate page, not because we consider the policies above any less important, but because search engines are too thick to identify the Privacy Policy as being there when it is part of a larger page, and for a few things online we have to have a visible privacy policy or they boot us off automatically, which is upsetting.