The Noise Chap is a wise and lovely chap called Adam who has worked in health and safety, and noise specifically, for far longer than he cares to remember. Or indeed given his advancing years, longer than he can remember these days. For the record Adam is not one of the old chaps in the photos on this site, he's not that ancient. Yet. Although he does make a lot of grunting noises when he sits down. Adam started out in the world of semi-gainful employment working in health and safety for a company called AlliedSignal in a turbocharger factory, before moving on to a cake factory which had the massive bonus of a conveyor belt of hot chocolate cake going right past his office window. He ate a lot. The factory is closed now but this is not related to how much he ate, honest. After that it was to a poultry breeding company, progressing through that company and it's parent to become the, frankly preposterous sounding, Global Director Health, Safety and Environment. 

Adam Noise Chap.JPG

That was good for a few years but new things were calling so he quit and worked for a health and safety consultancy called HSMC. That company grew into predominantly a noise, audiometry (hearing tests) and fire risk management business, along with a lot of health and safety work. This developed for almost a decade to the point of having a client list of over 650 companies ranging from small businesses to the likes of Sainsbury's, Sunseeker Yachts, Next, national parks, the British Army, hospitals and several airports. They conducted around 250 noise assessments and about 25,000 workplace hearing tests (audiometry) every year all over the UK and are still out there doing a sterling job. Eventually in 2016 Adam called time, resigned and after 23 years in health and safety, took two years out, initially bashing knackered houses about to make them good again, and then latterly starting up a business importing Greek olive oil to the UK. Don't ask - let's just say a warm summer's night in Crete and much partaking of alcohol was involved... That bit of wheeler dealing keeps Adam occupied at the weekends doing his best Del Boy impression at Food Festivals. Finally in June 2018, refreshed and enthused again it was time to get back into the workplace and The Noise Chap was born that month. The intention has been to strip away the rest of the health and safety work and just focus on the one thing Adam enjoys doing, and do that one thing exceptionally well. No fire risk assessments, no health and safety work, no fire training, no legal advice on health and safety, no risk assessments, basically nothing where the answer could possibly be 'wear high-vis'. And the intention was no employees. When you have employees, before you know it you've almost turned into an accountant and that is not a suitable way for any adult to spend their time. That resolve lasted for nearly four whole days of The Noise Chap's existence, which brings us to Noise Chap Minion Number 1...

Rob 'The Vicar' was previously employed by Cheltenham and Gloucester and then went to HSMC, working on audiometry, spirometry and skin assessment screening services for several years. Rob wanders the motorway networks of the UK with a look of genial happily bemused benevolence, and it has to be said gets lost more than is probably normal for a bloke with a SatNav in front of him. Rob is bloody good at what he does so when Adam was looking to incorporate audiometry into The Noise Chap's services and Rob was looking for something new to get his teeth into, it made complete sense to lure Rob over to a new land of milk and honey. Well, to be honest, the promise of a new audiometry screening van and a lovely special mop he can call his own seemed to do the trick. Rob will be joining The Noise Chap at the end of July 2018, ready to darken the doorsteps of clients up and down the country just in time for their August holiday shutdowns. Good timing Rob, don't think I didn't notice this plan to have an easy first month of work.

What's with all the old bloke photos?

Nothing more than stylistic pics which make me smile. They look like old blokes still having fun in life, probably a bit cheeky and still living each day with joy. That's a proper 'chap' to me and seems like a good way to live. As an example, I took the photo of the chaps at the top of this page and they met every day in Thassos town in Greece, to just play cards and chat and laugh as the sun set over the harbour. 

The company bits n bobs

The Noise Chap Ltd. is registered at Companies House and is company number 5240085. The Noise Chap Ltd.'s VAT number is 280547103 and The Noise Chap Ltd is registered for data processing with the Information Commissioner's Office. The Registered Office is 14 Perwell Close, Bredon, Tewkesbury, GL20 7LJ.

If anyone does a search on the company at Companies House you will see it was registered in 2004 even though The Noise Chap wasn't born until 2018. That's magic that is. The company was initially registered way back in 2004 under its original name as a protective measure to stop any other companies setting up under that name. You will see annual reports listing it as 'dormant' from initial registration onwards, until a name change in 2016 to take away any link to its original name. It remained dormant for another couple of years, before trading a little as Adam's olive oil sideline as Elichos. That didn't really go anywhere as major business so in May 2018 it pivoted and changed to The Noise Chap Ltd. ready for The Noise Chap to start trading as a spanky new business in June 2018. It made sense to use an existing dormant company rather than set up another new one.  

Diversity policy

Last time round Adam worked with a lovely group of weirdos and oddballs and it made work a very enjoyable place to be. Discrimination is silly for any reason and people are always hired because of their ability, or future ability, to do the job and their 'fit' into the existing company - i.e. are they going to come in and get on with people here or are they going to come in, cause aggro and poison the working environment for everyone. One person can spoil a complete workplace so if someone is an unpleasant numpty then they won't be hired. I even employed northerners and you don't get more right-on than that. Or in their language, 'reet-on'.

Equal pay policy 

People are always paid a good rate for the job, although I am sure employees will always argue otherwise! Pay levels are based on experience, job role, time with the company as loyalty is rewarded, seniority and pre-existing qualifications. Pay is not decided by gender or race or any other reasons like that, which would be frankly idiotic.

Gender diversity

The Noise Chap has a gender imbalance of 100% male, 0% female. Unless Adam is watching a musical then he may be 10% female for the duration of the play or film.