THINGS ATTENDEES SAY
Some of gems from audiometry attendees

Normally, we put the headphones on people, but during the peak of Covid we got the attendees to put their own on to maintain a good distance. Audiometry headphones are colour-coded, with one red cup and one blue one.
Technician: “Can you put the headphones on, and the blue one goes on the left”
Attendee: “OK, blue left. And which side does the red go on?”

Technician: “Do you have any hobbies with a lot of noise?”
Attendee: “I watch a lot of Formula 1”
Technician: “Do you go to a lot of the races?”
Attendee: “Oh no, I watch it on telly”

Technician: “Have you ever had Scarlet Fever?”
Attendee: “No, who is she?”

Testing a very young attendee…
Technician: “Do any of your family have any hearing problems?”
Attendee: “Only my dad, he went deaf but only when he got really old”
Technician: “Out of interest, how old is your dad?”
Attendee: “43”
Technician: “Get out of my van, right now”

Technician: “Do any of your relatives have any problems with their hearing?”
Attendee: “My wife’s hearing isn’t good”
Technician: “You’re not genetically related to your wife, are you..?”

Technician: “Does anyone in your family have any hearing problems?"
Attendee: "Yes, my dad's hearing was bad"
Technician: "Did it come on early or in later life?"
Attendee: "Only once he died really"

Talking to the health and safety manager on a site and asked if they have done any training on things like hearing protection.
He said “No, but we need it. We gave a new starter some ear plugs and within seconds he'd eaten them”

Technician: "Do you have any problems with your hearing?"
Attendee: "Yes"
Technician: "Was it identified in a previous test"
Attendee: "No"
Technician: "Do you notice it in daily life anywhere?"
Attendee: "No"
Technician: "So nobody has diagnosed it and you don't notice it, but you know you have some losses?"
Attendee: "Yes"

A complaint was received from an attendee: “I couldn’t hear a lot of those beeps as they were too quiet”.

We aren’t immune either:

Arrived at a client's site in Barnsley in the van.
Me: “Where do you want me?”
Client: “Where do you want to be?”
Me: “Not in Barnsley”
Didn’t go down well.

Chap came in for a hearing test wearing a cap. I asked him to remove it as it was a funny shape and the headphones wouldn’t fit over it. He took it off but his head was still the same shape. Oops.

I did a hearing test on a Michael Knight and as a gentleman of a certain age this got me very excited. I managed to slip in that it was worth wearing hearing protection whatever everyone else does as ‘one man can make a difference’. I think he just thought I was a bit weird.

And an honourable mention to…

Technician: “Do you have any problems with your hearing?”
Attendee (always male): “Only when the wife’s talking”

If we do 25 hearing tests in a day, it’s guaranteed at least 20 will say that and still we chuckle dutifully.